ISLAMIC PSYCHOTHERAPY ONLINE
(Revised Edition)
Volume 02, February 2009
St. Louis, Missouri
Editor: Mohamed Ziauddin MSW LCSW ACSW
In the Name of Allah, the Most Beneficent and the Most Merciful
(Revised Edition)
Volume 02, February 2009
St. Louis, Missouri
Editor: Mohamed Ziauddin MSW LCSW ACSW
In the Name of Allah, the Most Beneficent and the Most Merciful
SPOTLIGHT FOR THIS WEEK:
“A CASE STUDY OF RELATIONSHIPS:
A MUSLIM PSYCHOTHERAPIST’S PERSPECTIVE”
A MUSLIM PSYCHOTHERAPIST’S PERSPECTIVE”
ISLAMIC EMPHASIS ON A STABLE SOCIETY AND STABLE RELATIONSHIP:
“The cornerstone of a society is a good and stable family. Islam encourages people to get married and have a stable family. The latter is based on rights and responsibilities on both husband and the wife. Islam recognizes the social necessity, the religious virtues and the moral aspect of marriages. There is no premarital relation as much as there is no extramarital relationship” (1).
Family in Islam is composed of: Parents children, grandparents, grandchildren, uncles, aunts, nephews and nieces from both sides of husband and wife. When a couple marries each other they are to socially integrate their extended families to unite as one. They become an integral part of the big family in the society. There are rules and regulations of a stable family. There are obligations and duties in as much as there are rights and privileges (1).
In a way, the married life is a matter of worship, just like those of praying, fasting and other religious acts. Hence, it is considered to be a fulfillment of the faith of the individuals. Marriage is for worldly and heavenly benefits, both at the same time. Marriage helps a person to live a stable life – morally, socially, psychologically, culturally, spiritually, economically and biologically et.c. (1)
Marriage and the subsequent steps of having children and raising a family is also a platform to transition not just the genes from one generation to the next but also a distillation and transition of vast gamut of values from the refineries of culture, society, religion et.c from one generation to the next.
Marriage and family are rooted in RELATIONSHIPS. While there are several hadith and verses from the noble Holy Quran emphasizing positive relationships, the reality on the ground for the current UMMAH is nothing but a series of challenges to the individual. One wonders why such an important issue of RELATIONSHIPS is frequently just brushed over or barely touched in the speeches and sermons that we hear.
THE SAD REALITY IS THAT FOR MANY INDIVIDUALS THE PERSON WHO CREATED THE MOST HARM AND PAIN TO THEM IS EITHER A LOVED ONE OR FAMILY MEMBER OR RELATIVE.
YOU MAY HAVE YOURSELF NOT ONLY HEARD BUT WITNESSED A NUMBER OF SITUATIONS WHICH ATTEST TO ABOVE FACT. WHY IS THIS?
Of course, we should not forget that there are certain Muslims who are blessed to have a stable family, a stable relationship with their spouse and who could symbolically say with confidence that their marriage was made in heaven and if you want to see a sample, meet them. However the focus of this issue is not on the “happy campers”, instead it is dedicated to the majority of Muslim clients who have sought therapeutic services for relationship conflict issues.
THE SECOND SUCH SAD REALITY IS THAT AN INDIVIDUAL MUSLIM GOES OUT OF HIS OR HER WAY BY BENDING BACKWARDS AND HELPING HIS OR HER OWN FAMILY MEMBER(s) OR RELATIVE(s) OR FRIEND(s) TO THE MAXIMUM OF HIS OR HER ABILITY AND IN RETURN THE PERSON WHO RECEIVED ALL THE HELP BECOMES ALMOST AN ENEMY. SYMBOLICALLY THAT SAME MOUTH THAT WAS FED BY ONE’S GENEROUS HAND ALL ALONG, HAS NOW COME TO BITE THE SAME HAND. MANY CLIENTS HAVE REPORTED SUCH AN EXPERIENCE TO BE EXTREMELY PAINFUL MAINLY BECAUSE THIS WAS NOT WHAT THEY WERE EXPECTING IN RETURN.
THE POINT TO BE EMPHASIZED HERE IS THAT, IN REALITY IN MOST CASES, IT IS NOT SOME STRANGER FROM OUT OF THE BLUE THAT COMES TO CAUSE AN INDIVIDUAL THE MAXIMUM PAIN, BUT INSTEAD IT IS ONE’S VERY OWN LOVED ONE, OR KITH & KIN, RELATIVE POSSIBLY STAYING UNDER THE SAME ROOF OR WITHIN THE SAME SOCIAL CIRCLE THAT BECOMES THE GREATEST ENEMY AND THE MAXIMUM SOURCE OF ANGER & RESENTMENT.
AN EXAMPLE OF HOW A RELATIVE COULD IN A SUBTLE WAY DEVASTATE AN INDIVIDUAL’S LIFE:
What would a young innocent beautiful female immigrant from another country do, when her own relative who supported the sponsorship of her violates Islamic and local laws and makes indirect sexual advances towards her. If she discloses this “secret” to her host relatives, then a conflict may ensue among the family members that could possibly result in one or more of them ending up to live in a women's shelter. Obviously she did not leave her country of birth to end up at a “women’s shelter” in the U.S. This was never a way to start a new life with an intent to permanently settle down in a new country.
Further due to “strong family values”, the young female voluntarily suffered such unwelcome sexual advances in order to prevent major conflict within the family. This in her eyes was a “sacrifice” she was making to continue to see the family “happy”. But how long can she continue to suffer and at what cost? What options are out there for the resolution of above problem?
If this drives her to seek any decent Muslim man in her local community to get married and permanently get out of her host relative's house, would such a hasty decision to marry be a wrong judgment on her part?
To begin with, would this be a legitimate reason to get married? What if the stressors she face from the new husband are far worse than the current stressors from her male relative who was making sexual advances to her.
From whom can she get advice in this newly adopted country of hers, when she cannot even speak proper English?
Even if the Ummah is concerned about helping other fellow Muslims, WHAT STRUCTURE OR PROCESS DOES THE UMMAH HAVE IN PLACE TO IDENTIFY SILENT VICTIMS LIKE HER AND PERPETRATORS LIKE HER MALE RELATIVE WHO DISCREETLY WALK IN THE DARK SHADOWS OF UN-ISLAMIC AND UNLAWFUL PATH?
THE MASJIDS (HOUSE OF ALLAH) WAS THE LAST BASTION WHERE SHE COULD HAVE EASILY GONE AND CONFIDED TO A SELECTED MEMBER OF HER OWN FAITH IN HER OWN LANGUAGE?
BUT UNLIKE THE GOLDEN DAYS OF OUR PROPHET MOHAMMED (SAW), WHERE THE MASJID WAS USED FOR SOCIAL SERVICES TOO, AMONG MANY OTHER PURPOSES, TODAY THERE IS NO VISIBLE SIGN OR PERSON IN THE HOUSE OF ALLAH, WITH A “WELCOME SIGN”, ENCOURAGING HER TO EXPRESS HER PROBLEMS WITH THE ARDENT HOPE THAT IT WILL BE LOOKED INTO AND RESOLVED.
WHEN THERE IS NO FORMAL OR INFORMAL STRUCTURE IN PLACE, THE QUESTION OF UTILIZING OUR INVISIBLE TALENT OF MUSLIM PROFESSIONALS FROM THE HEALING ARTS DOES NOT EVEN ARISE.
Most of the Social Service Committees of Masjids at the present time are focused on financial and material related services to the needy besides organizing dinners and other specific functions, which is good, but it is recommended that they move into the psychological and social domain as well, creating a structure and process to enable receiving voluntary assistance from Muslims who are more than willing to assist as needed.
THERE ARE THOUSANDS OF MUSLIMS WITHIN THE U.S. TODAY FROM THE HEALING ARTS PROFESSION WHO ARE SINCERE AND WILLING TO VOLUNTEER THEIR SERVICES TO FELLOW MUSLIMS, BUT WHEN THERE IS NO FORMAL STRUCTURE IN PLACE TO STREAMLINE THE PROCESS, HOW CAN THEY EVEN IDENTIFY WHO THE PSYCHOLOGICALLY NEEDY MUSLIMS ARE?
Coming back to the main focus of this issue, as you see, what an havoc and devastation indirect and subtle unislamic acts can do to shatter the stability of a helpless individual who is currently meeting her basic needs of food, housing and clothing from her own perpetrator.
THIS IS AN EXAMPLE OF HOW A RELATIVE OR FAMILY MEMBER CAN CAUSE SEVERE PROBLEMS TO AN INDIVIDUAL. EMOTIONAL PAIN CAUSED DUE TO ECONOMIC RELATED REASONS IS YET ANOTHER MAJOR AREA BETWEEN AN INDIVIDUAL AND HIS OR HER FAMILY MEMBER OR RELATIVE.
This issue of severe harm done to self by close family members has not received the attention it deserves. Such harm comes partly by violating ISLAMIC PRINCIPLES AND VALUES. This violation must be addressed and condemned when we speak of UMMAH and ISLAMIC BROTHERHOOD.
It is recommended that the Islamic Centers open the doors of their Social Service Committees to help the needy who are undergoing various forms of psychological and emotional pain and hardships. The easiest way to do it is by identifying the Muslims in the HEALING ARTS PROFESSION and welcoming them to contribute their noble services.
“Whosoever aids and encourages goodness is a partner to it, and whosoever aids and abets wrongfulness is a partner to it; and Allah has supremacy over all” (4:85).
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS:
“Introducing Islam: Foundation for Islamic Knowledge”- Ahmad Sakr.
As usual feel free to give your valuable feedback. Our e-mail address is info@mehrunyusuficds.com.
THE END
Family in Islam is composed of: Parents children, grandparents, grandchildren, uncles, aunts, nephews and nieces from both sides of husband and wife. When a couple marries each other they are to socially integrate their extended families to unite as one. They become an integral part of the big family in the society. There are rules and regulations of a stable family. There are obligations and duties in as much as there are rights and privileges (1).
In a way, the married life is a matter of worship, just like those of praying, fasting and other religious acts. Hence, it is considered to be a fulfillment of the faith of the individuals. Marriage is for worldly and heavenly benefits, both at the same time. Marriage helps a person to live a stable life – morally, socially, psychologically, culturally, spiritually, economically and biologically et.c. (1)
Marriage and the subsequent steps of having children and raising a family is also a platform to transition not just the genes from one generation to the next but also a distillation and transition of vast gamut of values from the refineries of culture, society, religion et.c from one generation to the next.
Marriage and family are rooted in RELATIONSHIPS. While there are several hadith and verses from the noble Holy Quran emphasizing positive relationships, the reality on the ground for the current UMMAH is nothing but a series of challenges to the individual. One wonders why such an important issue of RELATIONSHIPS is frequently just brushed over or barely touched in the speeches and sermons that we hear.
THE SAD REALITY:
THE SAD REALITY IS THAT FOR MANY INDIVIDUALS THE PERSON WHO CREATED THE MOST HARM AND PAIN TO THEM IS EITHER A LOVED ONE OR FAMILY MEMBER OR RELATIVE.
YOU MAY HAVE YOURSELF NOT ONLY HEARD BUT WITNESSED A NUMBER OF SITUATIONS WHICH ATTEST TO ABOVE FACT. WHY IS THIS?
Of course, we should not forget that there are certain Muslims who are blessed to have a stable family, a stable relationship with their spouse and who could symbolically say with confidence that their marriage was made in heaven and if you want to see a sample, meet them. However the focus of this issue is not on the “happy campers”, instead it is dedicated to the majority of Muslim clients who have sought therapeutic services for relationship conflict issues.
THE SECOND SUCH SAD REALITY IS THAT AN INDIVIDUAL MUSLIM GOES OUT OF HIS OR HER WAY BY BENDING BACKWARDS AND HELPING HIS OR HER OWN FAMILY MEMBER(s) OR RELATIVE(s) OR FRIEND(s) TO THE MAXIMUM OF HIS OR HER ABILITY AND IN RETURN THE PERSON WHO RECEIVED ALL THE HELP BECOMES ALMOST AN ENEMY. SYMBOLICALLY THAT SAME MOUTH THAT WAS FED BY ONE’S GENEROUS HAND ALL ALONG, HAS NOW COME TO BITE THE SAME HAND. MANY CLIENTS HAVE REPORTED SUCH AN EXPERIENCE TO BE EXTREMELY PAINFUL MAINLY BECAUSE THIS WAS NOT WHAT THEY WERE EXPECTING IN RETURN.
THE POINT TO BE EMPHASIZED HERE IS THAT, IN REALITY IN MOST CASES, IT IS NOT SOME STRANGER FROM OUT OF THE BLUE THAT COMES TO CAUSE AN INDIVIDUAL THE MAXIMUM PAIN, BUT INSTEAD IT IS ONE’S VERY OWN LOVED ONE, OR KITH & KIN, RELATIVE POSSIBLY STAYING UNDER THE SAME ROOF OR WITHIN THE SAME SOCIAL CIRCLE THAT BECOMES THE GREATEST ENEMY AND THE MAXIMUM SOURCE OF ANGER & RESENTMENT.
AN EXAMPLE OF HOW A RELATIVE COULD IN A SUBTLE WAY DEVASTATE AN INDIVIDUAL’S LIFE:
What would a young innocent beautiful female immigrant from another country do, when her own relative who supported the sponsorship of her violates Islamic and local laws and makes indirect sexual advances towards her. If she discloses this “secret” to her host relatives, then a conflict may ensue among the family members that could possibly result in one or more of them ending up to live in a women's shelter. Obviously she did not leave her country of birth to end up at a “women’s shelter” in the U.S. This was never a way to start a new life with an intent to permanently settle down in a new country.
Further due to “strong family values”, the young female voluntarily suffered such unwelcome sexual advances in order to prevent major conflict within the family. This in her eyes was a “sacrifice” she was making to continue to see the family “happy”. But how long can she continue to suffer and at what cost? What options are out there for the resolution of above problem?
If this drives her to seek any decent Muslim man in her local community to get married and permanently get out of her host relative's house, would such a hasty decision to marry be a wrong judgment on her part?
To begin with, would this be a legitimate reason to get married? What if the stressors she face from the new husband are far worse than the current stressors from her male relative who was making sexual advances to her.
From whom can she get advice in this newly adopted country of hers, when she cannot even speak proper English?
Even if the Ummah is concerned about helping other fellow Muslims, WHAT STRUCTURE OR PROCESS DOES THE UMMAH HAVE IN PLACE TO IDENTIFY SILENT VICTIMS LIKE HER AND PERPETRATORS LIKE HER MALE RELATIVE WHO DISCREETLY WALK IN THE DARK SHADOWS OF UN-ISLAMIC AND UNLAWFUL PATH?
THE MASJIDS (HOUSE OF ALLAH) WAS THE LAST BASTION WHERE SHE COULD HAVE EASILY GONE AND CONFIDED TO A SELECTED MEMBER OF HER OWN FAITH IN HER OWN LANGUAGE?
BUT UNLIKE THE GOLDEN DAYS OF OUR PROPHET MOHAMMED (SAW), WHERE THE MASJID WAS USED FOR SOCIAL SERVICES TOO, AMONG MANY OTHER PURPOSES, TODAY THERE IS NO VISIBLE SIGN OR PERSON IN THE HOUSE OF ALLAH, WITH A “WELCOME SIGN”, ENCOURAGING HER TO EXPRESS HER PROBLEMS WITH THE ARDENT HOPE THAT IT WILL BE LOOKED INTO AND RESOLVED.
WHEN THERE IS NO FORMAL OR INFORMAL STRUCTURE IN PLACE, THE QUESTION OF UTILIZING OUR INVISIBLE TALENT OF MUSLIM PROFESSIONALS FROM THE HEALING ARTS DOES NOT EVEN ARISE.
Most of the Social Service Committees of Masjids at the present time are focused on financial and material related services to the needy besides organizing dinners and other specific functions, which is good, but it is recommended that they move into the psychological and social domain as well, creating a structure and process to enable receiving voluntary assistance from Muslims who are more than willing to assist as needed.
THERE ARE THOUSANDS OF MUSLIMS WITHIN THE U.S. TODAY FROM THE HEALING ARTS PROFESSION WHO ARE SINCERE AND WILLING TO VOLUNTEER THEIR SERVICES TO FELLOW MUSLIMS, BUT WHEN THERE IS NO FORMAL STRUCTURE IN PLACE TO STREAMLINE THE PROCESS, HOW CAN THEY EVEN IDENTIFY WHO THE PSYCHOLOGICALLY NEEDY MUSLIMS ARE?
Coming back to the main focus of this issue, as you see, what an havoc and devastation indirect and subtle unislamic acts can do to shatter the stability of a helpless individual who is currently meeting her basic needs of food, housing and clothing from her own perpetrator.
THIS IS AN EXAMPLE OF HOW A RELATIVE OR FAMILY MEMBER CAN CAUSE SEVERE PROBLEMS TO AN INDIVIDUAL. EMOTIONAL PAIN CAUSED DUE TO ECONOMIC RELATED REASONS IS YET ANOTHER MAJOR AREA BETWEEN AN INDIVIDUAL AND HIS OR HER FAMILY MEMBER OR RELATIVE.
This issue of severe harm done to self by close family members has not received the attention it deserves. Such harm comes partly by violating ISLAMIC PRINCIPLES AND VALUES. This violation must be addressed and condemned when we speak of UMMAH and ISLAMIC BROTHERHOOD.
It is recommended that the Islamic Centers open the doors of their Social Service Committees to help the needy who are undergoing various forms of psychological and emotional pain and hardships. The easiest way to do it is by identifying the Muslims in the HEALING ARTS PROFESSION and welcoming them to contribute their noble services.
“Whosoever aids and encourages goodness is a partner to it, and whosoever aids and abets wrongfulness is a partner to it; and Allah has supremacy over all” (4:85).
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS:
“Introducing Islam: Foundation for Islamic Knowledge”- Ahmad Sakr.
As usual feel free to give your valuable feedback. Our e-mail address is info@mehrunyusuficds.com.
THE END
2 comments:
I totally agree with you analysis of the problems facing some muslims due to the passive response of Islamic Reilgious Instituions which are yet to wak up to the reality of social and pyschological problems facing the muslim ummah in the U.S. We really should have a proper stucture in place to formalize meaningful response to these problems.
Assamvalikkum
Brother and sisters
Relationships are the heart and soul of the individual/family and society but it is prone to abuse.As any other migrant ehnic/religious groups,muslims are faced with the enemy with in their relationship, there are no standardized formula for solving the issue rather solutions have to be identified by the mosques as religious institution and reenforced among its ummah, since the complexity of the social issue is on rise due to human development and greed,one can only hope to self discipline oneself with in the prescribed code of Islamic moral code and behave appropriately.Further it is left to the individual to make a choice to find solution either through the mainstream or through the religious framework.
Shahul Hameed
Post a Comment